Fecking Five Year Olds… ARGH!

Dear Zack,

This is your Mum talking.

You know, the person who’s taken care of you since you were a single celled zygote in utero?

The one who DIDN’T abandon you like your father did.

The one who makes sure that you are fed, clean (well, as clean as you can get anyway, you dirty wee bugger!).

The one who gets you toys for your birthday, and makes sure Santa gets you what you ask for at Christmas.

The one you SHOULD listen to and not disrespect any chance you get.

The one who, when she asks you do do something, you should just do it. No questions asked.

The one who, when she tells you NOT to do something, you should listen to her and NOT do it, instead of carrying on doing whatever it was that she told you not to. Like pushing your brother, or running in the hallway (yeah, you’re howling now cause you slipped as you were wearing socks. Me? I know you didn’t hurt yourself badly, so I don’t really give a sh!t. It was your own damn fault), or jumping on my bed for the thousandth time even though I told you not to.

I don’t know if it’s since you became a Big Boy when you turned five 2 weeks ago, but you seem to have got a newfound love to piss me off, and you know what?

If you don’t start doing as your told I will take that Wii and give it to a family who deserves it.

I will sell your DS.

I may even send you to your father to stay there full time. See how you like it when you’re there for more than a few days and you don’t get constant attention.

(OK, I won’t send you to your father’s, instead, just to spite you, I may insist that you have to stay at home with us while Max goes up and gets lots of attention from his Up North family and you are stuck here, with no Wii, no DS, and no friends over to play.)

(OK I won’t really stop you from going to your father’s, mainly because I CANNOT WAIT to get some time away from you.)

I love you so so much Zack, and I get that you’re bored at the moment.

You’re over half way through the summer holidays now, it’s been raining for most of it.

You’re fed up.

I get it.

But that doesn’t give you the right to try to walk all over Dean or I, OR your little brother, because none of us deserve that.

We do everything we can to make sure you are happy. It just doesn’t seem to be enough at the moment.

So, my devil darling Zack, please feel free to keep it up to a maximum until you come back from visiting your father, just so he knows how much of a lil git you can be, but as soon as you come back home? Please revert to the boy I know and love.

Please?

Oh well, at least you only have 13 more days at home till you start school.

You’re most definitely needing it.

I’m most definitely needing it.

Your teacher? Well, I hope she’s ready for you!

Love,

Mummy (sorry, forgot Mummy is for babies now…) xx

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30 Comments

  1. July 29, 2010 / 8:44 pm

    AWWWW! Bless your heart! You have got your hands full, don’t ‘cha? I am counting down the days till school starts!!! 😉

  2. July 29, 2010 / 8:46 pm

    Gee thanx. Just as I console myself with the fact that as long as I survive the terrible two’s I’ll be ok you go and tell me that 5 is a nightmare!

  3. July 29, 2010 / 11:11 pm

    Yeah and here I was hoping that 5 would be easier than THREE!

  4. July 30, 2010 / 12:16 am

    Heh, yeah, if only it was that easy eh! 🙂

  5. July 30, 2010 / 12:16 am

    Hehe thanks sweety. 🙂 x

  6. July 30, 2010 / 12:16 am

    Sorry! Terrible 2s and 3s are *nothing* compared to the 5s… at least in my experience so far! >_<

  7. July 30, 2010 / 12:17 am

    It is in some ways cause they can do much more for themselves. That in itself is also the problem though! >_<

  8. July 30, 2010 / 12:25 am

    Oh love, that sounds like not much fun. The girl has responded to being 5 by bursting into tears every 5 minutes for NO REASON. I’m not sure which I’d rather have!

  9. Sue Denyhm
    July 30, 2010 / 1:11 am

    Change the names around and I’d swear you are blogging about my kids. There have been days that I wish I was separated from the kids dad just so I could have every other weekend off from being a mum. Thank god for school I say!

  10. July 30, 2010 / 3:07 am

    Yup – sounds like a typical 5 year old boy to me! Paul is a nightmare at the moment too – seriously reconsidering my choice of school now – I think I might prefer him to be in walking distance y’know, for when they call me to come haul him out! It’s around this age that they start developing a sense of empathy, ToM and all that. It’s a frightening time. I remember my daughter handling it very differently from the boys, she was able to articulate better and basically told me she wanted to be a baby again. Paul wants the same but doesn’t realise it. He’s convinced he can go back to nursery if he doesn’t like school, that he’s the only one moving, that all his friends are staying behind. I think I might be sending him to RDM now. Of course this all manifests itself in him being a little swine, and no it doesn’t help knowing that!

  11. Sharon
    July 30, 2010 / 1:36 pm

    Oh my goodness I had such a good laugh reading this!! My boy recently turned 6 and I’ve been having this same problem for a year! He also fell while running on the tiles in his sock and I also told him I feel nothing because it was his own bloody fault! ha ha ha thank you for reminding me I am not alone.

  12. July 30, 2010 / 2:57 pm

    Thank god for school indeed! 🙂 How awesome that our kids have the same name!

  13. July 30, 2010 / 3:10 pm

    Sounds like our birthday buddied boys are acting very similar! Are you back soon? I’m FREEEE up till next sat if you want to meet up! x

  14. July 30, 2010 / 3:10 pm

    I’m not sure either… think we could just get them to *stop*?? If only! x

  15. July 30, 2010 / 3:11 pm

    Thank god it’s not just me who feels like that when they hurt themselves of their own fault! lol 🙂 You are definitely NOT alone!

  16. July 31, 2010 / 12:49 am

    Aww Marylin I love how you are so honest. xx

  17. July 31, 2010 / 2:59 am

    Still stuck here in the record breaking Florida heatwave – it’s hell but someone has to do it 🙂 We don’t leave until 7th August – it the neverending holidayyyyy (feels like it – Paul has started calling the villa “home” – poor boy is in for a shock!)

  18. Fiona
    July 31, 2010 / 11:07 am

    Oh I so get where you’re coming from!
    Thanks for the laugh!
    Fi 🙂

  19. July 31, 2010 / 3:56 pm

    ROFLMAO, what else can I do!!

  20. August 1, 2010 / 10:49 am

    You’re so welcome! Thanks for visiting my blog, I’ve subscribed to yours now too. 🙂

  21. August 1, 2010 / 10:51 am

    I don’t know how to be anything but. 🙂 x

  22. August 1, 2010 / 10:51 am

    Hehe glad you liked it! 🙂 x

  23. August 1, 2010 / 1:32 pm

    Oh dear! I’m sure this helped to get a load off your mind! You know, I could write the same thing to my 10 year old. He is developing such a cheeky attitude to adults and authority figures that needs nipping in the bud. NOW!

    Maybe I’ll write him a letter too! xx Jazzy

  24. August 1, 2010 / 2:13 pm

    It always helps when I write out what I’m feeling that’s for sure!

    We look forward to them growing up and being able to do more for themselves, and then once they are growing up we don’t want them to! LOL 🙂

  25. August 7, 2010 / 6:47 am

    Do you want the name of my contact person in that adoption agency? I kid kid. Mwahahaha.

  26. August 7, 2010 / 11:40 am

    Hehe tempting as it is, I think I’ll just deal with the 11 days left of the holidays and then will be happy to send him off to school! bwahahaha 😀

  27. August 13, 2010 / 4:02 am

    LOL, I had a good laugh and a bit of a cry. Noah, who is hurtling towards five is becoming more of a handful than any of the girls put together. They tell me if they make it through fifteen, they’ve made it. Doesn’t that just warm the cockles of your heart?

  28. August 13, 2010 / 5:28 pm

    Oh dear god nooooo! *runs to the nearest rock and hides under it*

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