Funny how the things that can really get you going are the ones that are bad for you.
Chocolate is a perfect example. I could gorge myself on the stuff, but it’s not good for me. Luckily I have come up with the (im)perfect substitute. Cigarettes.
Fuck, wait… that’s bad for me too right?
OK, so what if I swapped that for coffee? No… still caffeine in that, also not good for me (supposedly). Oooh I know I know! Alcohol! Although the lack of motor skills while inebriated isn’t so good either huh?
What about blogging? If I was to write a blog post every time I wanted a chocolate/cigarette/drink. Nah, then you guys would hate me and I’d be one of those posts-30-times-a-day people that drives me crazy. Plus when the hell would I have the time to live if I was glued to my computer all day?
Maybe I should just have chewing gum. Then again, that usually makes me more hungry, and then I don’t feel so good.
Nope, I think the cigarettes-for-chocolate is here to stay. Since starting up again I’ve now lost 21lbs. Considering the other way I could have gone at the time of starting smoking (comfort eating and putting *on* 21lbs or more), I think I’ve made the right choice for me. Albeit not the healthy one, but it beats being morbidly obese, and is apparently less likely to cut my life expectancy in comparison to being so overweight. Oh, I didn’t tell you that huh? Yeah… at the start of the summer I was 18 stone. That’s 252lbs, or 114.5kg. THAT is not good for anyone, especially a 5 foot 6 single mother of two young children.
If I’ve lost 21lbs in 4 months, that’s a good thing, even if it is because I’m filling my lungs with smoke. If I can keep going then maybe one day I will feel like a normal weight. I know that just losing that amount has given me more energy.
Looks like my Marlboros are here to stay. For the time being at least.