Reflection

Today is my youngest son’s birthday. He is two years old.

So much has happened in the time since he was born I have found it difficult to not think about it all. Busy trying to stay happyhappy and buoyed up for the boys, when really part of me just wanted to slink off into a corner and feel sorry for myself.

In the past two years I have:

  • had pretty damn awful post-natal depression.
  • taken care of a husband with severe depression.
  • got a job.
  • had to leave a job (cause a certain husband wasn’t taking care of our children)
  • had to coax a husband to look for work again as all he wanted to do was sit on his arse and play computer games all day long
  • came to the conclusion that the best way to get him to look for work would be if I suggested he look for work “up north” where his family live, with the idea of relocating there.
  • got through months of living off not very much at all
  • stayed strong while husband left to start his new job, hopeful that although it may not have been a life I wanted (i didn’t really want to move so far away from everyone I knew), it would be enough to keep him from plunging into a depression again.
  • got pissed off when his family took any extra money from us as ‘room and board’ for him staying on a camp bed on their dining room floor.
  • started to realize that I really couldn’t bring myself to move up there after all.
  • got a call to say that said husband wanted to leave me as he had found “what could be the start of something”.
  • pulled myself together and realized that I was relieved more than anything as I could now do things that were best for me and the boys instead of him
  • moved house.
  • got unpacked.
  • managed to get presents etc to celebrate the 2nd birthday of my baby.

And that’s not to mention all the kid-stuff that’s been going on in the midst of it all, or Max’s hearing/speech problems. It’s just as well I’m on the happy-pills otherwise god knows what I would have done to myself!

Today has been a happy/sad day, but all in all – definitely much more HAPPY than anything else. It’s not every day your youngest and last) child turns 2! 🙂

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8 Comments

  1. October 11, 2009 / 6:28 pm

    I have to admit that I have a huge amount of respect for you going through all of that and staying sane!
    Some of those “kid-stuff” reasons are reasons that put me off having children as I don’t think I’m a strong enough person to deal with everything that comes with having a family. I know the pros outweigh the cons, but it does make me pause! I don’t think I could even handle a child being sick, but I guess if you gotta, you just do it.
    Well done you though, hopefully things will be looking up from now on!

    And Happy Birthday Max as well 🙂
    .-= Kirsty´s last blog ..https://www.kirstylegg.co.uk/news11738.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Looking for Models =-.

  2. October 12, 2009 / 8:13 pm

    Happy Birthday Max! 🙂

    And congrats to your new home, Softie. Looks nice and feels warm and comfy. I think it is amazing how you pull yourself together and “keep walking” – for you and your boys.
    It takes a strong AND loving person to be able to do so.
    .-= Jarla´s last blog ..https://katrinundmarcoundbaby.blogspot.com/2009/10/mi-ma-mausezahnchen.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Mi-Ma-Mäusezähnchen =-.

  3. Sonvar
    October 12, 2009 / 9:47 pm

    Whether your boys realize it or not they’ve got a very strong mom who could’ve given up by now but didn’t for their sake. She kept trekking along even if she couldn’t always stand it.

    I’m glad it seems like you are heading to a brighter future now that you’ve had to go through hell as it would seem. Best of luck to you and your boys and that you continue to have many happy birthdays with them.

  4. October 12, 2009 / 10:40 pm

    You’ve hit the nail on the head there Kirsty – if you’ve gotta do it, there’s just no other option, it’s got to be done. 🙂

    I’m sure when the time comes you’ll handle being a mum just fine!

  5. October 12, 2009 / 10:41 pm

    I’ll definitely drink to that! 🙂

  6. October 12, 2009 / 10:41 pm

    Thanks Sonvar, that means a lot. 🙂

  7. October 12, 2009 / 10:42 pm

    Thanks Jarla, lets hope I can keep at it and give my boys (and me!) a life they deserve. 🙂

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