Sometimes it’s hard

When I see little ones a year or more younger than Max, chatting away, asking questions, saying silly things, knowing what their mum and dad are saying to them.

Like the little sister of one of Zack’s school friends, who’s about 3 months younger than Max, and has been chatting away since I first met her a year ago.

Or the little one at my local cafe who’s about 14 months, and is at exactly the same sort of level of talking as Max is.

It’s hard to see these little ones, normal, just like they’re supposed to be. Like Zack was, and reminding me just how different Max is.

Seeing him unable to tell me what he wants, and getting so frustrated and upset. It’s HARD.

Seeing others younger than him being able to do that? Even harder.

I know he’s got his own timetable.

I know he’s coming on leaps and bounds, particularly since Zack started school and we get more one-on-one time.

I know that he’s still an awesome lil guy, and he’s amazing in his own right.

Still, it’s hard to see the stark differences between him and others his age.

I wonder how he’ll cope when he goes to nursery?

If he gets in that is… I should find out in a week whether or not he’s been given a place. Due to his autism I’m applying for an assisted place for him. Problem is, there are two places, and four of us applying.

So, keep your fingers crossed for us! The panel meeting is on the 28th, so I should know soon after that.

I hope he gets in.

He does need it.

There’s only so much I can help him with, but when it comes to socialization, the best place for him is nursery.

I need it.

I’m on my own with two beautiful boys, but I need some down time too.

Max has started waking in the night again, since I had to take the side off the cot.

I would like to be able to take care of the house a bit better.

I would love for Max to learn more, and maybe even make a friend. Not to mention having professional help with encouraging him to talk, or at least communicate properly.

It’s hard.

I still love him though, with all my heart, and I always will. He’s my lil man after all.

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25 Comments

  1. September 24, 2010 / 12:52 am

    Parenting is hard anyway. Parenting a child with Autism must be even harder. I found it tough watching J develop later than all his peers in terms of language and speech. For some reason he just didnt get it and it took a while. He got there in the end though and I’m sure Max will too, especially if he gets tat place at nursery, got my fingers crossed for you hun! x

  2. September 24, 2010 / 10:08 am

    From everything I read you are doing an amazing job in a very challenging situation. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you and you must feel very alone sometimes.
    Whatever, he is a very lucky boy to have you as his mum because it sounds like you get the very best out of him possible.

  3. September 24, 2010 / 10:17 am

    I’m adopted but my birth mother had two boys and both have autism. It’s very hard. And that’s from me an outsider. Hopefully he gets into nursery!

  4. Jen
    September 24, 2010 / 10:20 am

    I’ve got my fingers firmly crossed for you. We didn’t find out till k started school thst he had Aspergers but I do believe that those years in childcare forced him to socialize and he calmed down alot. I know what you mean about the comparisons…you can see and be proud of the wonderful achievements he is making but seeing nt achievements can sting a little too 🙁

  5. September 24, 2010 / 11:57 am

    HUG hug huggity hug.

    I can’t really think of much to say apart from how much I sympathise and admire you, but that probably won’t really help much.

    I’m also 400 miles away, but I hope you can feel the love and hugs and taste the chocolate from here.

    Hugs.

  6. September 24, 2010 / 4:29 pm

    Thanks sweety. I was just having a down morning I think, feeling much better now I’ve spend some snuggly time with my lil man. 🙂

  7. September 24, 2010 / 4:29 pm

    Fingers crossed! Hope you’re recovering well and all three of your lil ones are well. 🙂 x

  8. September 24, 2010 / 4:30 pm

    It does, doesn’t it? All in all though, I know I’m lucky he was diagnosed young, and I’m sure that nursery will be the best place for him to learn the things I can’t teach him at home.

  9. September 24, 2010 / 4:31 pm

    Thanks sweety, it means a lot. I have some Galaxy Cookie Crumble here for later once the boys are in bed… 😉 x

  10. September 24, 2010 / 4:32 pm

    Thanks hun! Just having a down morning I guess, am feeling better now though after lots of snuggles. 🙂 x

  11. September 25, 2010 / 12:52 am

    I have my fingers crossed for you Marylin. Nursery school could be the making of your lil man;-) You’re doing all the right things 🙂

    xx Jazzy

  12. September 25, 2010 / 5:44 am

    You’re doing an amazing job, just by being his mum. No one could say that you don’t care about Max, or Zack for that matter. There are so many bad parents out there and when you’re feeling down just remember that you’re trying your hardest for him an because of that he will get through everything. I have so much respect for mums who do it tough, and understand that you would compare him to other children even though people will tell you not to. They tell us (at Uni) that children thrive on socialisation and I’m sure you’ll see him blend in more and more and be happy as he starts spending time with other children. I really hope he is accepted into nursery, you need a break too.

  13. September 25, 2010 / 8:57 am

    Sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. Can I be cheeky & suggest it may have something to do with worrying about the nursery place? He will have such a great time there so let’s keep our fingers crossed! *hugs*

  14. September 25, 2010 / 10:24 am

    Thanks sweety. 🙂 xx

  15. September 25, 2010 / 10:25 am

    Heh, probably! It occurred to me recently that despite being told that he’d most likely get a place, there’s still just as much chance that he won’t, and it has been playing on my mind a fair bit. Just 4-5 days till I find out the result!

  16. September 25, 2010 / 3:39 pm

    Thanks Jazzy, just 4 days till I find out, hopefully! x

  17. September 25, 2010 / 6:33 pm

    I have everything possible crossed for you!! I pray he gets in! 🙂 x

  18. September 26, 2010 / 12:26 am

    Thanks Emma! I will keep everyone posted! 🙂 x

  19. September 27, 2010 / 11:12 am

    I’m keeping all my fingers crossed for you! I know what you mean about comparisons. It really freaked me out to hear toddlers talking better than Max, expressing their feelings, desires, etc. But what does help, is to remember that there are plenty others like them, and if possible spend time with them. Although it is probably really important that autistic kids spend time learning to socialise with NT kids, it’s probably not a bad idea to let them spend time with other autistic kids as well! Good for parents to get together too – I don’t spend much time talking with parents of autistic kids as my Turkish isn’t good enough, but when I do I certainly enjoy the support and normality of it all!

  20. September 27, 2010 / 1:01 pm

    Hugs. I can’t imagine how hard it is but it sounds to me like you’re doing an amazing job. More hugs are needed I think – (((hugs)))

  21. September 27, 2010 / 5:12 pm

    Yes, I think I would like that. I love having people to talk to online, but it would be nice to be able to meet some in person. 🙂

  22. September 27, 2010 / 5:13 pm

    I must have real hugs! You should drop EVERYTHING and come up for the 9th! 😉

    Kidding, just think though, when you next come up (assuming it may be able to *fingers crossed* be a time when the boys are at their dad’s) we’ll be able to have a proper girls night! 😉 x

  23. September 28, 2010 / 12:31 am

    ((Hugs)) must be so hard and frustrating for you. J can talk and was talking in sentences at 16 months but the downside to that is he doesn’t stop, (there’s only so many times you want to hear about power rangers or his computer game…..) and every single time hubby and I try to talk to each other J has to interrupt and everytime I’m on the phone he insists on shouting, he shouts alot……………… the list goes on. and of course even tho he communicates with us he still can’t seem to tell us what’s wrong most of the time and that’s frustrating for all of us.
    Remember all children develop at different paces and just by giving you a cuddle he’s communicating 🙂

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