Terrified

There, I said it.

I’m terrified.

Of Max starting nursery.

It’s only about two weeks away.

I have a meeting with the head of the nursery along with one of Max’s therapists on Monday morning to discuss various things, including what will be the best way for him to be introduced into this whole new world.

Here’s the thing. I’ve never really taken Max to much in the way of social activities. Play groups, rhyme time, it just never really worked for him. Not to mention that until recently I’ve had Zack to content with too. Take him along to things for the younger ones and he’ll no doubt be too exuberant, take him to something more suitable for Max and he’ll get bored, and be very vocal about it too.

Plus there’s Max’s behaviour in general. When he was a baby, he just screamed constantly, and I didn’t want to have to deal with that and a hyperactive toddler with other mums looking on. As he got older, he just became more difficult to manage in an environment with too much going on, so I stopped trying to take him to places he didn’t seem interested in.

Now he’s three.
He’s going to be going into his first major social setting.
One of many to come.
And I’m terrified that he’ll hate it, or be too unmanageable for the staff there.
They do have other ASD kids there, so I know he will be in safe hands, but he’s my baby, he can’t really communicate much at all and the world is so much harder for him to deal with, I’m scared it’ll all be too much.

I’m terrified of the meltdowns I know will happen, regardless of whether it’s because he surprises me and enjoys nursery or not.

If it’s the latter, I can take him out of nursery and try again next year, worst case scenario. Not something I want to do if I can help it.

If it’s the former, then that’s great, but comes with knowing that he will be concentrating so hard, bless him, on the regular things, on understanding what most three year olds can do without us even thinking about it, that he will be in constant meltdown mode, for at least a few weeks.
Maybe longer if we’re introducing longer times, or different things to his schedule.

It’s a catch twenty-two isn’t it?

I’m terrified of both ways.

I want my lil man to settle well, and enjoy nursery, maybe even make a little friend, or at least be able to get through a few hours without it being too much for him.

I also want him to not melt down for the rest of the day after he’s been.

But it’s not about me, it’s about what’s best for him.

There are so many things I just can’t do to help him that being in a social setting, with other children his age, can do for him.

I am hoping that he surprises me.

But I have this little feeling in the pit of my stomach that it’s going to be HARD. Really hard.

I know I’ll have to be strong and just go with it, do whatever’s best for him.

I just hope it’s not too much for either of us to handle.

Mind you, even if it is, at least I have family and friends around me to hold my hands, both on and offline, and Max has me, his biggest fan, so we should be ok, right?

Maybe it won’t be so terrifying after all…

Maybe.

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20 Comments

  1. julesey10
    October 22, 2010 / 11:04 pm

    awe hon. Bless you and him. It must be so hard for you. I know Im already dreading caleb going in over a year and theres no extra stress for me. Its only nursery though and a perfect place for him to learn and grow socially with no learnign pressures. You’re only natural worrying. I’ll be thinking of you both.xxx

  2. October 22, 2010 / 11:21 pm

    The thing about scary things is they happen anyway – whatever happens you will deal with it cos it’s what we do us Mums – we deal. And we deal, and we deal…… forever! Sometimes better than others. It’s a big step for both of you – take a run and hold your breathe – then tell me what happens πŸ™‚

  3. October 22, 2010 / 11:26 pm

    That’s the thing, when Zack started, he took to it like a duck to water, it was so *easy* with him, everything has been, really. It’s like I’ve had one ‘by-the-book’ child and one ‘completely-not-by-the-book’ (or at least not the same book!) child. V hard to get my head around sometimes! Thanks hon xxx

  4. October 22, 2010 / 11:27 pm

    I will, hopefully over a nice lunch while the kids are at school and nursery… πŸ˜‰ xx

  5. October 23, 2010 / 12:14 am

    I would be terrified too. Knowing that no matter what happens, there will be meltdowns, it’s scary scary.

    (((hugs)))

    I’m hoping that he adores it and has loads of fun. Everything is crossed.

  6. October 23, 2010 / 3:29 am

    It is terrifying, isn’t it, even when you know it’s best for him in the long run? Hoping things go as smoothly as possible for both of you. Love xx

  7. October 23, 2010 / 7:33 am

    Just think – Max ia going to nursery! How often did you think that would never happen? I’m so glad he is able to go, that they have understood what they may be taking on & that he can ‘be normal’. You are feeling what every other mum feels – isn’t that nice as well? You’ll cope with whatwever & you’ll have some great times as well! Squeee!

  8. October 23, 2010 / 10:39 am

    I was EXACTLY where you are two months ago and I was sick with worry. Luckily HRH absolutely loves it and you know what, it has done him the world of good. His speech is coming along and he hugs the children when it is time to leave each day (he doesn’t stay the full time, it would be too much for him yet). I am sending all the good vibes I have your way hun and I hope that in 2 months you will be blogging about how wonderful it all is. Jen xx

  9. October 23, 2010 / 10:57 am

    Thanks sweety, I will be keeping *everything* crossed!

  10. October 23, 2010 / 11:00 am

    Thanks sweety, have been thinking of you lots. xxxx

  11. October 23, 2010 / 11:02 am

    That is so true, I hadn’t thought of it that way! Thanks Julia! πŸ™‚ xx

  12. October 23, 2010 / 11:06 am

    I’m *really* hoping Max is the same… there’s just that niggly feeling in the back of my head that it’s not going to be easy. How long does HRH go to nursery for? Does he go every day?

  13. October 23, 2010 / 11:36 am

    It is a mainstream montessori he attends so we have hired a preschool assistant to go with him, to help him learn how to join in. He is way ahead of the other children in terms of the stuff they are learning so that gives him the advantage of only having to focus on his social skills and mixing with other children. If for some reason the PA can’t make it I would drop him down on his own for an hour, but no more than that. He goes 4 days a week with his PA and is there usually for about 2 hours. The montessori staff absolutely love him and are really committed to him and he runs in every morning with a big smile on his face πŸ™‚ Jen

  14. Fiona
    October 24, 2010 / 12:22 am

    Oh Sweetie, I understand the nervousness you write of.
    Just remember that you are the BEST mum for him and you are doing what is ultimately going to be good for him.
    This mothering thing is so damn hard isnt it! Especially when you are dealing with special needs on top of it all!

    Sending massive hugs from oz.. ((( ))).
    x

  15. October 24, 2010 / 10:50 am

    Thanks so much hon, it really does make such a difference knowing there are others in the same position as me and Max out there. Helps me feel not so alone, you know? πŸ™‚ xx

  16. October 24, 2010 / 3:19 pm

    Have agonised rather over commenting here, but thought I could offer another point of view. Just wondered about this part:

    “There are so many things I just can’t do to help him that being in a social setting, with other children his age, can do for him.”

    What can’t you help him do? You have already been there to help him learn everything he’s done so far. Children are not set up to learn from their peers, particularly when they are so young. They are set up to learn from those older and more experienced – siblings and parents. Nursery is a very new set up in terms of our development, and while it can be fun, I’m not convinced it ever comes up to scratch in comparison with home and mixed age groups. And I speak as a trained Montessori directress, with children who have been to both mainstream and montessori nurseries, and who has now decided to keep baby number 3 at home with us (we home educate).

    Just another point of view, not meant to be confrontational, but to let you know there can be another way!

  17. October 24, 2010 / 3:52 pm

    You know, I think it’s maybe more to do with me only having so much energy to be able to give, does that make sense?

    I know myself well enough to admit I don’t have the dedication needed for home-schooling, and I feel that, considering he will be in a mainstream school, the sooner he starts to get used to ‘that’ way of doing things, the better. Does that make sense? This way he has two years of nursery to ‘train’ him to be ready for being at school (which the nursery is part of already).

    Thanks for your input, it has really made me think. πŸ™‚ x

  18. October 24, 2010 / 4:46 pm

    I can very much understand that feeling. I have it too from time to time, and sometimes it’s incredibly difficult.

    I would wonder though as to whether you can train a 3 year for school. Only you know your child of course, but there may be some mileage in giving him your time and attention and space to grow, and perhaps he will be more capable of handling the demands school would put on him in a couple of years time.

    Nursery is not the only way, though I can completely understand if you take it.

  19. October 24, 2010 / 8:37 pm

    Hopefully he’ll surprise you and really take to nursery and really enjoy it. Fingers crossed. At least you know yourself that you have to be strong and take everything as it comes.

  20. October 25, 2010 / 7:26 am

    I’ve got everything crossed that’ll happen! πŸ™‚

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