When is enough, enough?

At what point do you realise you need to put your needs first?
After years of being unhappy, being cheated on and having had two children?
Or before things get to a point where you feel too guilty to change them?

Over the last year a lot has changed in my life.
I moved to a new town.
I started a new blog.
I met someone else.
I fell in love, too quickly.
I got engaged.

I was kidding myself, trying to put that little voice in my head saying “this isn’t working, what are you doing?” to the back of my head, out of my thoughts.

There’s only so far I can push that voice down though before it comes through in everything I do.
I stop wearing makeup.
I start eating more.
I get lazy with the housework.
I start to feel trapped, claustrophobic.
Smothered, desperate to break free.

Then I realise that I cannot allow myself to live like this.
In a world where this life is the only one we get, I can’t just let myself live in a situation I’m not happy in.

If I’m not happy, I’m not giving my all to my children, and they need that. I need that.

There are only so many second chances you can give someone.

Then enough is enough, and you’re done.

I’m done.

I’m not going to live my life any way other than how I want it to be.

I’m happier on my own, just me and my boys.

When the buck stops with me, I am much more productive, more proactive, and generally feel more accomplished and happier in myself.

I need space.

I need the freedom to breathe and do what I want (within reason of course, the kids are still number one).

I need to be me.

That was the whole point of this blog in the start wasn’t it?

To be uncensored, unequivocally me.

If that means being on my own, then so be it.

Just me, my boys, and our plethora of pets.

Sharing is caring:

29 Comments

  1. September 16, 2010 / 2:20 pm

    I’m so sorry you’ve had a hard time. But it’s good you were able to see that you would be better off alone. I hope you’re happy from now on!

  2. Zoe
    September 16, 2010 / 2:23 pm

    Aww Marylin, I didn’t realise you were so unhappy… you always seem so cheery on Facebook.

    Hopefully some time on your own with your two lovely boys will help clear things up and you find yourself again.

    We’re all here for you; family, friends and even people whom you’ve never met but just stalk you :p

    <3 xxx

  3. September 16, 2010 / 2:39 pm

    Someone once said to me ‘If you are not happy, how can you make other people happy’. I really hope that you can find the time and space to make yourself happy and then to share that happiness with others. Much love, Julie xx

  4. Kirsty
    September 16, 2010 / 2:59 pm

    you’re a strong woman and you will get through this! Love and hugs always x x x

  5. September 16, 2010 / 2:59 pm

    It sounds like a very brave decision but the right one. Good for you

  6. Holly
    September 16, 2010 / 7:10 pm

    Good for you, follow your heart. Sending you lots of strength xxx

  7. September 16, 2010 / 8:43 pm

    I didn’t realise! You are right of course, this isn’t a dress rehearsal, go for it girl 🙂 Jen

  8. September 16, 2010 / 9:53 pm

    “When the buck stops with me, I am much more productive, more proactive, and generally feel more accomplished and happier in myself.”

    Aint that the truth! 🙂

  9. September 16, 2010 / 10:49 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time, sounds like you’ve made a brave and wise decision, like someone else has already said, if you can’t make yourself happy then how can you make others happy. I hope you feel happier soon. hugs xx

  10. September 17, 2010 / 12:08 am

    Sending my love. I’m on Skype if I can figure out how the hell to make it work, xoxo

  11. September 17, 2010 / 7:57 am

    So sorry to hear that things have not urned out as you had planned. It is good to read though that you have a plan. We are all here for you – just holler!

  12. September 17, 2010 / 10:46 am

    Such a hard thing to do, but when you are brave enough to do it you know that you’ve made the right decision. You know it is right for you, congrats for being brave enough to carry it through. Big hugs. xxx

  13. September 17, 2010 / 10:48 am

    great to find your blog! what a strong post … I am always overwhelmed by blogs about “needing to be me” – it is why I started by blog. Sending you a hug and strength to follow your want. go girl! xx

  14. Fiona
    September 17, 2010 / 11:40 am

    Ugh,
    Just Ugh……sending big squeezy hugs from Oz…..
    You give those gorgeous boys of your big fat sloppy kisses!

  15. September 17, 2010 / 11:46 am

    Good for you. Big hugs love xxx

  16. September 17, 2010 / 3:09 pm

    So sorry to hear your news Marilyn. You are so brave facing up to your feelings like that. Not the easiest thing to do at all.
    I’m glad you’re so happy with your boys and am sure things will get brighter soon 🙂
    ((xx)) Jazzy

  17. taz
    September 18, 2010 / 10:50 pm

    big hugs for you hun..

    so sorry to read..

    remember i am hear if ya need..

  18. September 18, 2010 / 11:52 pm

    […] just because it’s been a hard week doesn’t mean there haven’t been sweet bits from my […]

  19. Jenny paulin
    February 13, 2011 / 10:33 pm

    Hi I have popped over from bog gems 🙂
    I hope sincecthis post was written you are hurting less. You are so right, in that in order to be you sometimes you have to be on your own and be strong for those you love and care about. Such an inspiring post. I hope things are better for you now x

  20. February 14, 2011 / 1:59 am

    Here from Blog Gems…like Jenny I hope that you are reaping the benefits of your choices…you go!

  21. February 14, 2011 / 3:02 am

    Hi! I’m over from Blog Gems. I hope things have turned out well for you since you wrote this.

  22. February 14, 2011 / 3:13 am

    Also stopping by from Blog Gems. You sound like you’ve found some good inner strength. Hope you and your boys are doing great.

  23. February 14, 2011 / 1:46 pm

    Hi Jenny, thanks for visiting! Yes things are doing MUCH better for the three of us now. Life is calm (well, for a family with a lil one on the spectrum!), boys are settled, I’ve got some wonderful friends and my family around me. 🙂 x

  24. February 14, 2011 / 1:48 pm

    Thanks Lynn, things have changed for the good in a LOT of ways since then! I’ve got some wonderful friends now, the boys are both settled in school and nursery (well, as settled as they can be anyway!), I’ve actually got some honest to god free time in the mornings now. It’s blissful! 😉 x

  25. February 14, 2011 / 1:48 pm

    Yes thanks, things are doing *really* well for us all in all now. I love it just me and my boys. 🙂 x

  26. February 14, 2011 / 1:50 pm

    Hi Jennie, and thanks, yes we are all doing great. Zack is settled in school, Max is starting to settle at nursery and today has finally got his “official” diagnosis of autism (which is kind of good to know that I have been right all along, and wasn’t pushing for no reason!). I actually get some REAL free time most mornings – it’s given me a whole new lease of life! 🙂 x

  27. February 14, 2011 / 9:31 pm

    Sometimes the best thing is to stop and take stock and allow yourself to breathe and be who you are. Even when its hard..I think in the long run it makes us stronger…wiser and happier…:) over from blog gems..

  28. February 15, 2011 / 4:16 pm

    It has definitely made me stronger and happier! I’d like to think wiser too… hehe 😉 Thanks for visiting. x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *