At what point do you realise you need to put your needs first?
After years of being unhappy, being cheated on and having had two children?
Or before things get to a point where you feel too guilty to change them?
Over the last year a lot has changed in my life.
I moved to a new town.
I started a new blog.
I met someone else.
I fell in love, too quickly.
I got engaged.
I was kidding myself, trying to put that little voice in my head saying “this isn’t working, what are you doing?” to the back of my head, out of my thoughts.
There’s only so far I can push that voice down though before it comes through in everything I do.
I stop wearing makeup.
I start eating more.
I get lazy with the housework.
I start to feel trapped, claustrophobic.
Smothered, desperate to break free.
Then I realise that I cannot allow myself to live like this.
In a world where this life is the only one we get, I can’t just let myself live in a situation I’m not happy in.
If I’m not happy, I’m not giving my all to my children, and they need that. I need that.
There are only so many second chances you can give someone.
Then enough is enough, and you’re done.
I’m not going to live my life any way other than how I want it to be.
I’m happier on my own, just me and my boys.
When the buck stops with me, I am much more productive, more proactive, and generally feel more accomplished and happier in myself.
I need space.
I need the freedom to breathe and do what I want (within reason of course, the kids are still number one).
I need to be me.
That was the whole point of this blog in the start wasn’t it?
To be uncensored, unequivocally me.
If that means being on my own, then so be it.
Just me, my boys, and our plethora of pets.