Who could resist?

18/365

I mean really… who could resist these beautiful eyes eh?

Well, yesterday it seems I could. I was snappy, grumpy, and shouted at both boys more than I should have.

See, I realised on friday morning I ran out of my anti depressants (citalopram if you’re nosey like me!). I called the doctor to see if there was any way they could get the prescription sorted that day, but they were backed up.

Ok, so I’d be without my meds till monday. I knew I’d start to feel a bit narky by then, but I know it’s not life-threatening, and I know that it’s just for a short while.

On saturday, I got to spend the day with one of my fave bloggy friends, Nikkii, as we were going to an RPS event to be “observers” and see other people get their work critiqued. Not to mention knowing that we’d be close to a Jessops and I knew I had enough money to get my long-awaited Nikon D90!

I noticed I was chattering away more loudly than I normally would in the car with my dad who was dropping me off, but I just put it down to the excitement of a child-free day. My lovely friends were looking after the boys all day (not one SINGLE meltdown for Max… SUCCESS!!), so I knew they were in good hands, and wasn’t worrying about them. 🙂

By Sunday I was in full on grumpy bitch mode though. Every little bang of toys on the floor, or Zack jumping about (how many times do I have to tell him *NOT* to climb all over the furniture!) and I was snapping and shouting.

I apologised to him as I tucked him up into bed (early, thank god!), saying I was sorry for being such a grumpy mum all day. He asked if I was sorry for shouting at him too. *sigh* I said yes, and he decided that he would forgive me. He then proceeded to turn his head funny and said “I love you upside down Mum!”, and grinned.

I took two of my pills on monday morning to get a kick-start of it back in my system, and I’m already feeling much better.

Needless to say I’ve now set up an alert in my calendar to remind me to call up a week in advance so this doesn’t happen again!

Just goes to show, even though I feel absolutely *fine* when I’m on my meds, it doesn’t mean I’m “cured”. It’s a biological thing after all (I could go into all the pharmacological details, but I won’t bore you with them). Just like taking medication for high blood pressure. I would never skip something like that if I had to be on it, so I really need to be more vigilant with my meds.

I think these days I know more people *on* meds for various depression/stress/anxiety related reasons than I do people who don’t!

Have any of you had similar experiences?

(am using this photo as my 365 for the day…)

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16 Comments

  1. January 18, 2011 / 2:11 am

    Not me, but I can imagine how it would start to affect your head pretty fast.

  2. January 18, 2011 / 6:35 am

    Ugh..thats MY story Marilyn!
    I am on the exact same meeds and every time that I think I’m fine and coping ok, I try to get off them and BAM, I’m a cranky b*tch again
    *sigh*

    But like you said…..it’s biological after all.

    Chin up lovely, you’re an awesome mum!

    (oh and congrats on the new camera!….YAY!)
    fi x

  3. January 18, 2011 / 8:17 am

    I’m the same with my medication (for colitis). Always end up with panicky calls to pharmacy/drs 🙂
    Sometimes I think it’s good for kids to see grown ups not dealing with things as usual. Teaches them it’s ok to have bad days etc, and how to say sorry and forgive people.
    Glad you’re sorted now x

  4. January 18, 2011 / 8:40 am

    Yeah. I’m looking back now and ‘seeing’ more little quirks of my own that must’ve been cause of being off them. >_< Turns out I am mental after all! hehe ;)

  5. January 18, 2011 / 8:42 am

    Thanks hun! I don’t ever try to come off mine. As far as I’m concerned, I take em cause my brain can’t handle seratonin reuptake in the way it should, so I need them to keep on that comfortable even keel.
    Feeling much better already just 24 hrs after getting them… poss partly relief that I *have* my meds again? Anyway, it’s all good! lol 🙂

  6. January 18, 2011 / 8:43 am

    You’re so right there re kids seeing it’s ok to not be right all the time.
    I’m a firm believer in letting your kids know if you realise you’ve made a mistake, or done something wrong. Means they start to realise that grown up aren’t *always* right, so they’re more likely to question things. 🙂

  7. January 18, 2011 / 9:09 am

    I’m the same with my citalopram, sometimes I even forget to take them for 1 or 2 days (or can’t rem if I’ve taken them or not) and I really notice the difference. What dose are you on? I’m taking 40mg atm and my Dr is thinking of increasing to 60mg as even when I take them reg I still have a lot of bad days. On waiting list for CBT counselling but that could take another 6 months plus lol!

  8. January 18, 2011 / 9:37 am

    Hi Nic, it’s amazing the difference they really do make, isn’t it? I’m on 40mg, I asked my dr to up them in oct as I wasn’t feeling like they were making that much of a difference.

  9. Kirsty
    January 18, 2011 / 10:38 am

    Hey hun, most of my family are on anti-depressants for one reason or another, I understand what depression really is – my brother had pretty intense OCD and depression since he was in his early teens – he started on anti-D’s a few years ago and felt great, so great that he felt he didn’t need the pills any more. He stopped taking them for 2 weeks and the effect was hellish, he went right back to hearing voices and feeling suicidal. He realised that he did need the pills after all and now he doesn’t care if he has to take them for the rest of his life, he knows they are the reason he is “normal”!

    I’m actually awaiting a call from the Docs right now, I personally think that my anxiety/stress plays a major role in my “IBS” – I’m hoping to discuss the possibility of mild anti-depressants to take the edge off and see if they help. For years I’ve known I’m rubbish at coping with stress, not even bad stress, I get worked up about exciting/good things too! I’m hoping to get it sorted fairly soon, its good to hear that your pills do make a difference 🙂 x

  10. January 18, 2011 / 11:21 am

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Marylin aka Softi, Mummy McTavish. Mummy McTavish said: RT @softthistle: How I feel if I have missed my meds for a few days: Who could resist? https://bit.ly/h0QnKR <needed this reminder. […]

  11. January 18, 2011 / 3:35 pm

    I’m the same with being far too excitable too. Hopefully I’ll remember to get that prescription sorted with my google alarm thingy. 😉

  12. January 18, 2011 / 7:28 pm

    I certainly wouldn’t be able to resist those eyes, but I’m completely able to resist my two’s eyes – I’m told they’re irresistable (possibly dodgy spelling there, sorry!).

    I’m interested in the biological/pharmacological side of depression. I thought it was all caused by actions and events that can change the way you see yourself.

  13. January 19, 2011 / 10:51 am

    I’ll email you about it sometime… or tell you (if I remember!) when you’re here in April! 😉

  14. January 20, 2011 / 6:09 pm

    I was on meds for a time but they made me so tired I had to come off them. I’m wondering lately.. for the past few months even… if I should consider going back and finding different meds that won’t affect my tiredness levels so much, but the moment I step into the doctor’s to simply make an appointment my anxiety kicks off. It’s difficult living with depression and no solid way to really deal with it. There are times when I feel fine, when I have excitement running through me, or somebody/something is making me laugh, or something I’m enjoying like reading a book or watching Merlin or anything like that, and I guess I cling onto that. The other half is pretty anti-anti-depressants so it’s easy for me to convince myself not to bother.. hmm.. I suppose what I’m trying to say is “I understand what it’s like to be off meds when you probably need them.”

  15. January 20, 2011 / 6:52 pm

    I’m interested in any possible arguement your other half could possibly have for why people *shouldn’t* take anti depressants.
    I’ve been lucky with the citalopram, it’s the only one I’ve ever taken and it just worked for me. After a couple of weeks of ickiness that is. >_<
    Luckily for me, when I was first diagnosed with depression and put on it, I was doing pharmacology at uni, and I swear to god, the *very* next day my double lecture was on how SSRI’s work, which citalopram is one of! It really helped me realise that, actually, I’m not just being a twat who can’t cope, it’s a *physical* problem!
    Also… (((((((hugs)))))) xx

  16. January 21, 2011 / 11:19 am

    It is something that can’t be controlled on your own without some form of, preferably professional, help. I think his argument is purely experience with them going badly for family members, but whilst he’s not keen on them, he wouldn’t stop me using them if I say I need them. And (((((hugs))))) back (haven’t seen that one in a while!)

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