It’s a Long Road Ahead…

Phew, Max had his first session with Barbara, our preschool home-visitor this afternoon.
She brought along a pink bag full of toys and would bring one out at a time for him to play with her with for a while. Boy did he NOT like doing things her way! Although by the end of the hour he had figured out to give her the pecs card to get something from her.

He screamed. A LOT.

Pretty much the whole time he was Not! Happy! One! Bit!

It’s good that she saw him like that, but I found it so hard to see him that way.

To realise that yes, he has a problem, and it’s going to be a long journey to get him to learn how to do things in our world instead of how he likes them in his own.

By the time she left he was shattered.

It was nap time.

He went down without a fuss.

I think he was just relieved to have some alone time after being ‘forced’ into doing things differently than how he’s used to.

I don’t have the patience to be able to let him cry it out.

It’s not like he does it to get something.

He’s not your regular toddler like Zack was. I could always out-wait Zack with his tantrums.

Not Max.

Max will keep screaming for over an hour before calming down.

He’s a hard lil guy to deal with sometimes.

He can also be such a joy to have around too.

This weekend he called me Mummy properly for the first time in his 2 years 7 months.

AND… to top that he gave me his first proper kiss too! Puckered up little lips and everything!

So, it’s not all bad all the time.

But we need to start doing more of the things he doesn’t like doing to get him used to it.

And I really don’t like the thought of that one bit.

I will do it, and I will pretend that I am enjoying it all for him.

But really my heart will be being torn out of my chest every time he screams because he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

My head is dizzy from everything I’m having to take in with this whole situation.

This life long learning curve.

Today was one of the first steps.

It’s gotta be onwards and upwards right?

Even if it does take a long time to get there.

There’s got to be a light at the end of the tunnel.


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  1. May 26, 2010 / 4:31 pm

    There is most definitely light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. My son was the same with the screaming and tantrums. He was very cross when PECS was introduced but once he figured out it was worth his while it made a huge difference to his frustration levels (therefore his tantrums). It is a huge learning curve and I am still on it. Once things settle down it is also a very exciting learning curve, I promise (again). Big hugs for you. Jen xx

  2. May 26, 2010 / 4:50 pm

    Shoot Marylin – a tough day for the both of you – big hugs back at you.

    Don’t think of it as a long road, just another road. We don’t all get where we’re going the same way – and we’re not all interested in going to the same places. Max will find his way, and you’ll be there supporting him 🙂
    .-= MrsW´s last blog ..“ rel=”nofollow”>I am sad and in the buff, two things not necessarily correlated =-.

  3. May 26, 2010 / 4:54 pm

    i went through this with both boys. i am tearing up for you because i know how hard it is. i wish i could call you and chat or come hug you. we could cry a bit together and still laugh at all the crazy funny peculiar things our boys do. as always kisses from the states
    .-= mamasmelodrama´s last blog ..“ rel=”nofollow”>Potty Quest Line =-.

  4. May 26, 2010 / 5:03 pm

    Thank you Kristin. I know things will get easier… it’s just so hard to see him feeling so helpless and screaming cause there’s nothing else he can do. :S

  5. May 26, 2010 / 5:11 pm

    Thanks sweety. I guess it’s just been one of those days eh? xx

  6. May 26, 2010 / 5:11 pm

    Thanks sweety. It’s good to know someone who’s coming out the other side of it all! 🙂 xx

  7. May 26, 2010 / 5:12 pm

    Thanks Nikki. You’re right of course!

    I think we need to meet up for a drinking session again at some point… boys are up at their dad’s a week on weds… 😉

  8. May 27, 2010 / 10:22 am

    Thanks sweety, I know I can, I guess some days it’ll just be harder than others huh?

  9. May 27, 2010 / 11:18 am

    Thanks sweety, I know they will, just going to take a wee while I think! >_<

  10. May 27, 2010 / 3:43 pm

    You are a great mother and I am extremely proud of you for writing this post about Max.
    Children can be real angels and children with autism rightfully so.
    I have had a lot of experience working with children with autism and I feel it is the most important to have patience and understanding…which I see you have.

    I wish Max the best of luck on his learning journey but I know he’ll do fine at it because he has a great mother who loves him and won’t let him fail no matter how much scream and crying she has to deal with.

  11. May 27, 2010 / 4:17 pm

    Thank you so much Corinne. xx

  12. May 28, 2010 / 4:18 am

    Firstly, you are amazing and I know that you can do anything.
    I’m sure there are plenty of tough days to come and some days they will seem so awful but I know that you will be brilliant.

    Secondly; am so sorry for being the worst kind of bloggy friend. My commenting sucks severely. Hoping to improve. Got lost in the blog fog lately.
    .-= tiff´s last blog ..“ rel=”nofollow”>All things considered. =-.

  13. May 28, 2010 / 11:24 am

    Thanks so much Tiff, and don’t even worry about the commenting thing – I’m a bit lax these days too – life gets in the way a lot eh? xx

  14. WarsawMommy
    May 28, 2010 / 1:50 pm

    Oh, sweetie. I think there will be light at the end of the tunnel: like almost everything, the hard part is just starting something new or different.

    You’re a fantastic mother – and I think that he WILL call you Mama one day…
    .-= WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Gah. Snake! =-.

  15. May 28, 2010 / 3:20 pm

    Thanks sweety. I know there *is* light at the end of that tunnel – it just seems a long way off at the moment! >_<

  16. Tanya
    May 29, 2010 / 1:38 pm

    it’s onwards and upwards, luckily he has a special mummy like you!

  17. May 29, 2010 / 10:28 pm

    Aww thanks Tanya! 🙂

  18. June 11, 2010 / 5:45 pm

    I agree with Jen, there is light at the end of the tunnel- even though those tantrums are so hard to bear as you can’t really DO anything! My DD is 7 and slowly we are unpeeling the layers and getting to know and understand her


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