Weathering the Storm

It can start in many ways, from a broken crisp, to not getting that 3rd bottle of milk he’s asking for, and it starts.

The instant screaming.

Not crying.

Screaming.

Throwing himself onto the floor, picking up everything in sight and hurtling it as far across the room as his little not-quite-three year old arms can send it.

Running in and out of the living room, through the hall, into the kitchen and back again.

Screaming all the time.

Headbutting.

Grabbing me with his little fingers and squeezing as tightly as he can.

He raises his arms up wanting me to comfort him, yet as soon as I do that he arches his back and struggles to get away.

It’s all too much for him.

And for me.

There’s no point now in giving in to what he wanted in the first place.

Even if I gave him that 3rd bottle of milk it would be thrown away as soon as it was given to him.

He’s become a ball of angry energy, and he can’t stop.

He’s distraught, I’m lost, Zack is visibly upset by the screaming.

I try putting on his favourite cartoons on the tv.

It doesn’t work.

I try just holding him tight.

It doesn’t work, in fact it makes him worse.

By this point he’s usually been screaming for a minimum of about 45 minutes to an hour.

He’s exhausted now too.

I’m at the absolute end of my tether.

There’s only one thing left to do, though I hate to do it.

I lead him up stairs. Half carrying half dragging his heavy little body made so rigid it’s an almost impossible task.

I put him into his cot, give him the blankie that’s been thrown back at me numerous times by now

and I close the door.

I leave him to scream.

To calm down on his own.

It seems to be the only thing that works, eventually.

Like the world just becomes too much for him and he needs to just be on his own.

Over two hours after the screaming started, it finally subsides and he drifts off to sleep.

Over two hours later and I sink down onto the sofa with the laptop to envelop myself into the worlds of other people.

Over two hours later I’ve weathered this storm, and I hope that there’s not another one for quite some time.

But you know, living with Max, the storm never really goes away.

It’ll be back again tomorrow if not later in the day.

And we will start all over again.

I love my little man, but I hate the storms.

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26 Comments

  1. July 20, 2010 / 8:40 pm

    After reading this I just want to give you a hug.

  2. July 20, 2010 / 8:46 pm

    You certainly are weathering the storm & brilliantly! Each day brings another challenge I know but you are SO doing well!

  3. July 20, 2010 / 8:54 pm

    HUGS! I admire you so much. So very much. I hope your storms get smaller and shorter.

  4. July 20, 2010 / 9:19 pm

    Wow. That sounds incredibly intense. You are doing an amazing job. Lots of people would have cracked by now.

    As he gets older and his communication increases, will his storms get shorter and less frequent?

  5. July 21, 2010 / 12:59 am

    Thanks Sharon, the only way is up, right? 🙂

  6. July 21, 2010 / 4:04 am

    Thanks, I am lucky, I get loads of them, so long as he’s not in meltdown mode. 😉 x

  7. July 21, 2010 / 4:04 am

    Thanks Julia. 🙂 xx

  8. July 21, 2010 / 4:04 am

    Aww thanks sweety! I will hopefully catch you in game soon for a chatter. xx

  9. July 21, 2010 / 4:05 am

    That’s the idea!
    They’re worsening at the moment as he’s pushing himself more/we’re expecting more of him, but his play therapist said that’s only natural and that it *will* decrease over time.

  10. Sharon
    July 21, 2010 / 7:57 am

    Oh my, you really are having a tough time. I hope it improves for you soon.

  11. July 21, 2010 / 8:40 am

    I was just over at Josie’s post on temper tantrums. It’s so hard isn’t it? What really got me was when he would hit his head hard on the floor. I didn’t really have the strength to stop him, and if I tried it would only make things worse. Thankfully he’s stopped that now. Or at least, when he does it, it’s for show and he makes sure it doesn’t hurt!
    I think letting him cry (scream) it out is the best thing to do. But you’ll probably get better at knowing when he’s at risk of having a tantrum, when he’s over stimulated, or bothered by some sensory thing, and then you’ll be able to calm him before the storm. When Max gets stressed nowadays, he comes to me so I can put my hands on his ears and press. That seems to calm him down. Good luck and hugs!

  12. July 21, 2010 / 11:53 am

    I never know what to do when this happens, I just keep trying to make sure my fella doesn’t hurt himself as he bangs his head off things. It doesn’t go on for as long here though, maybe an hour but it feels like forever! Big hug for you. Jen xx

  13. July 21, 2010 / 1:03 pm

    I hope that my Max will be able to come to me like yours does when he needs help to keep calm.
    I hate having to leave him to cry, but it’s the only thing that works to calm him, so I have been starting to do it at the first sign of a tantrum. Of course that makes me feel awful as he’s having quite a few meltdowns at the mo (caused by him being pushed further than he’s used to, and even starting to say a couple of words!!), so it feels like I’m just leaving him upstairs all the time. Hello neglectful parent of the year, right? >_<

  14. July 21, 2010 / 1:04 pm

    Thanks sweety. It’s amazing how bloody strong they are even at their age isn’t it?
    *hugs* back at ya xx

  15. July 21, 2010 / 1:09 pm

    No, not right! What you’re doing is exactly what we’ve been told we should do again and again! But unlike you, we never really had the guts to let him cry on a regular basis – too worried about the neighbours, wanting our lives not to be disrupted, wanting him to stop. So we gave in, we gave extra. It never really worked, but he did come to expect bribes to calm down, and eventually, I suspect, to throw a tantrum when he wanted some attention. So no, you’re not neglectful, you’re incredibly brave!

  16. Sharon
    July 21, 2010 / 2:02 pm

    Keep looking up, it’s where I get my strength. I’d never have survived my life thus far if I didn’t keep looking up. Hang in there *huge hugs*

  17. July 21, 2010 / 8:20 pm

    Oh Marylin you know I can totally relate to this don’t you? I know it’s so hard and you’ll be so exhausted you can’t find energy to do anything at times, but it will get better. I promise *hugs*

  18. July 22, 2010 / 8:09 am

    Amy is similar, but not as intense – we spoke to IE the other day and they suspect we’re looking at an SPD – we have appointments on Wednesday to see a speech pathologist and hopefully an occupational therapist for afterwards.

    When Amy gets like it, bed is the only place for her. She needs to be alone and snuggle to calm down. Me however, it takes me a lot longer. Heh.

    How does he go with swaddling? If you swaddled him and put him to bed immediately, do you think it would help? (((hugs))) honey. You’re the best person to mother him through this, you know that.

  19. July 22, 2010 / 1:00 pm

    I hate leaving him upstairs. At the moment he’s having so many meltdowns that he spends most of the day upstairs on his own. I hate it. Feel like I’m being a bad parent, even though that’s what I’ve been told to do. *sigh*

  20. July 22, 2010 / 1:06 pm

    He won’t be swaddled, he’s too big and strong now – can get out of any swaddling too easily, and it just angers him more.
    What’s an SPD? (when I see SPD I think of the hellish pelvic pain i had during pregnancies! lol).
    Max has been seeing a play therapist for a while now (though it’s postponed at the mo due to the summer holidays), and a speech therapist too, though I need to get back in touch with her tbh. >_<
    *hugs* to you too sweety. xx

  21. July 22, 2010 / 11:52 pm

    Sensory processing disorder. Her brain doesn’t quite know what to make of the info it’s recieving. The IE girls think that Amy’s language is masking a lot of her issues.

  22. July 23, 2010 / 7:44 pm

    Ahh I see. Max has sensory problems too. He’s getting better now with things like letting me touch his face/head/ears now, but still rarely lets me put anything in his mouth – brushing teeth is a nightmare, and bathtime… oh my god. >_<
    I wonder if it’s partly why he has trouble sleeping sometimes, though once he’s finally asleep that’s him out for the count!

  23. July 24, 2010 / 3:55 am

    Oh Marilyn, I can’t even imagine. You are incredible in how you handle this, your patience. Max is lucky to have you. I hope that this improves as he gets older and finds better ways to communicate. My heart goes out to you and Max both. Hugs love, xoxo

  24. July 24, 2010 / 5:44 pm

    Thanks sweety, hope you’re holding up ok too. 🙂 xxx

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